i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
