im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
