This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
