I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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