Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
