I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
