I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
