Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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