She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
