I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
