I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
