my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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