we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
