Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
