Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i think my tv is drunk

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(804): View more from Virginia

You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.

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(613): View more from Ontario

It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.

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(772): View more from Florida

Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.

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(845): View more from New York

Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me

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(518): View more from New York

What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?

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(631): View more from New York

You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.

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