She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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