My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
