You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
