so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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