Betty ford says i'm here all night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
