I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
