dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
