Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
