i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
