where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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