I look better un-naked...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
