Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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