I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
