its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
