I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
