I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
