By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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