I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
