I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
