There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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