apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
