so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My breasts were aching with rage.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
