You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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