Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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