i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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