There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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