some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
