Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
