We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
