i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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