do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
