Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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