I'm drive I can fine osifer
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
