Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
