I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
