ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
